mochichansenpai
I think I have a problem....
I am not usually one to say what is on my mind and say it out loud, but maybe one of you can help me.
I know I have a problem because I am angry at something I have no right over and no business in. I am pissed off at someone I don’t know on a personal level, and yet to me it feels personal.
I am in love (or at least I think I am) with a Youtuber who everyone knows and loves because he is just amazing and maybe you can figure it out, but let’s just call him Tim.
He has been on Youtube for about 4 years now, and ever since I saw his video about Abduction and his cute Chubby Bunny challenge, Something inside me sparked I would say, and I grew up with him in my life for so long. I didn’t care about how he looked like everyone else. What I love about him is that he is kind at heart, cares deeply about his fans, cries at how much people care about him, and genuinely is a good person.
He is caring, nice, funny, weird, cute, adorable and so much more. So, naturally like any other fan, I have grown attached to him, I care about him not just as a fan, but as a person. And like most people, we know his troubles because he is famous, so we know when he has a girlfriend even though he tries to hide it.
He has been hurt twice before, one by a nasty cheater and the other just fell out of love. And now, there’s a new girl in the picture, but she seems like a good person. However, there is something about her I just don’t like. Am I jealous? Am I discriminatory? I don’t know. The evidence I have gathered about her seems suspicious and at the same time reasonable. But then I sit down and genuinely ask myself, “why the hell do I care?”
Is it because I am in love and I don’t want her anywhere near him? Is it because I don’t want to see him hurt again? Is it because she’s not his type of girl? Is it because I’m crazy and obsessed?? I honestly do not fucking know and it’s driving me crazy. I want him to be happy because he has been through hell and I’m tired of him going through things and that there’s absolutely nothing I can do about it. But why am I so angry and afraid this girl might do something to hurt him?
I’m just a fan. I am not a friend, I am not an ex-girlfriend, and I’m not an obsessed psycho yandere chick. But why the hell do I feel this way? Can anyone help me?
Recruitment for Singers!
Okay, ladies and gentlemen.
I need 3 girls and 2 boys to help with a singing project. This is just for fun and I will not be paying you; however, I will give you a free commission of your choice. I can have it mailed to you and you will have to pay nothing.
THAT'S RIGHT! NOTHING. However, you will need to dedicate your time to this project. We will be singing about 2-3 songs that require a lot of people.
The first song is Connecting with You, but the Vocaloid edition. We can discuss if you want to sing it in English or Japanese, but I am good either way.
Don't get discouraged due to the number of people I need. I may need more depending on the song. Please submit your auditions to my email.
mochichansenpai@gmail.com
EVERYONE IS WELCOME TO TRY OUT. I WILL NOT DISMISS YOU BECAUSE YOU DON'T HAVE THE RIGHT EQUIPMENT. I managed to things with just a earphone microphone, you just gotta know how to fix it.
First come first serve. Auditions will last two weeks. I will be closing all auditions on the 25th of April.
When You are at your limit...
“Couples are supposed to fight. It’s only natural.”
Yes, every once in a while, but not every single week. Today, he sent me a text saying that two staff members at his school thought he was a criminal when he was just at Students Run LA practicing. I call him while he’s still at school and practice had just ended so he was waiting for the bus to take him home.
So we were having a pretty normal conversation, laughing, congratulaing him on getting A’s and B’s on his report card, telling him that the figurine I bought him was being shipped to his house, etc.
I can hear voices in the background so he tells me that his friend Juan is with him. So I’m laughing about me and his friend were on camping with another one of buddies and we got to know each other. He was playing around and even said that he was gonna kill him for talking to me just for laughs, not for real. So he decides to get me back and threatens to hang up on me. He knows I don’t like jokes like that because I take things too seriously. He claims that I challenged him to do it when I said “no, don’t hang up on me” while I’m laughing cause I’m thinking he’s just playing around.
He pretends to not be there for a few seconds even though I can hear the background sounds of voices. And we are laughing, but then he does this.
“Hey, I have one more joke for you.”
“Okay, what is it?”
“Knock knock.”
“Who’s there?”
And he hangs up. I laughed at first, but ten minutes later, I was no longer laughing. In anger, I threw my phone at the wall, but no damage just the battery falling out. I leave it there for 30-45 minutes while I’m going other things like cooking or drawing. I come back and turn on the phone.
No calls and just a text saying, “ I can’t call more than 3 times” . That’s it. No apology, just that one text. So I wait, for how long? 3 hours. So I text first and we are just arguing more and more and I’m sitting there just crying my eyes because I think this is all my fault, but I shouldn’t have to apologize. Despite him saying that he knows he hurt me and that I know what happens to him when I get hurt, and just as I start to think he is going to apologize to me, he falls asleep.
So right now, I’m awake with tears in my eyes, not knowing what the fuck I should do at this point, but I feel like I’m at my limit. I don’t think I am going to sleep tonight and don’t know what to do. I hate feeling vulnerable especially over something as pathetic and stupid like this. Am I just too sensitive? Is this really my fault?
Tell me…
Requests!
I'm tired of this block and so far, I haven't been feeling good. So I am only doing Anime Characters. Please dont hate me, I just want anime back in my life. Please :3