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I love to draw anime a lot. For some reason, I don't try in color as often because I feel like it ruins it or I haven't mastered it yet. But drawing is my most favorite hobby.
I am not usually one to say what is on my mind and say it out loud, but maybe one of you can help me.
I know I have a problem because I am angry at something I have no right over and no business in. I am pissed off at someone I don’t know on a personal level, and yet to me it feels personal.
I am in love (or at least I think I am) with a Youtuber who everyone knows and loves because he is just amazing and maybe you can figure it out, but let’s just call him Tim.
He has been on Youtube for about 4 years now, and ever since I saw his video about Abduction and his cute Chubby Bunny challenge, Something inside me sparked I would say, and I grew up with him in my life for so long. I didn’t care about how he looked like everyone else. What I love about him is that he is kind at heart, cares deeply about his fans, cries at how much people care about him, and genuinely is a good person.
He is caring, nice, funny, weird, cute, adorable and so much more. So, naturally like any other fan, I have grown attached to him, I care about him not just as a fan, but as a person. And like most people, we know his troubles because he is famous, so we know when he has a girlfriend even though he tries to hide it.
He has been hurt twice before, one by a nasty cheater and the other just fell out of love. And now, there’s a new girl in the picture, but she seems like a good person. However, there is something about her I just don’t like. Am I jealous? Am I discriminatory? I don’t know. The evidence I have gathered about her seems suspicious and at the same time reasonable. But then I sit down and genuinely ask myself, “why the hell do I care?”
Is it because I am in love and I don’t want her anywhere near him? Is it because I don’t want to see him hurt again? Is it because she’s not his type of girl? Is it because I’m crazy and obsessed?? I honestly do not fucking know and it’s driving me crazy. I want him to be happy because he has been through hell and I’m tired of him going through things and that there’s absolutely nothing I can do about it. But why am I so angry and afraid this girl might do something to hurt him?
I’m just a fan. I am not a friend, I am not an ex-girlfriend, and I’m not an obsessed psycho yandere chick. But why the hell do I feel this way? Can anyone help me?